THOSE HAPPY SONS OF BITCHES

Well, this is all I have at the moment. I'm trying to make the tone happy and playful and fun while trying not sound condescending...or something like that. I have written and rewritten and rerewritten and rererewritten, and so on and so forth. Driving me insane.

Hi there! I’m so glad you came to join me on this sensational, inspirational, celebrational, Muppetational adventure.

Huh? What does Muppetational mean?

You know, like, the Muppets?

Wait…YOU DON’T KNOW WHO THE MUPPETS ARE?

You have to know. You have to know. You have to know!

No? So, you’re telling me you’ve never chuckled along with good ol’ Kermit the Frog as he tries to keep his eccentric troupe on an even keel while being chased by the domineering diva, Miss Piggy? You’ve haven’t laughed at Fozzie Bear’s hilarious attempts at being a hilarious or witnessed Gonzo the Great’s audacious daredevil stunts? You haven’t taken part in the disastrous scientific experiments of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and his terrified assistant Beaker?

Still not ringing a bell?

Wow, did your parents not love you? I bet they never took you to Disneyworld. They probably made you read books and swim five hours a day and play the violin.

Alright, alright. I’ll stop. That crossed the line.

What’s that? You still want to know what a Muppet is?

Okay, I suppose I can fill you in on what you’ve been missing out on.